


Repentance

by gray_autumn_sky



Series: Repentance [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 17:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7541779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gray_autumn_sky/pseuds/gray_autumn_sky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roland learns about Regina's involvement in Marian's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repentance

Regina flinches as the door slams and she crosses her arms over her chest, grimacing as Robin’s fingers touch to her elbow. She feels hot tears forming in her eyes and her heart clenching as Robin assures her that Roland didn’t mean it, that regardless of what he says now he does love her, that he’ll come around with a little time. Her eyes press closed in an effort to hold back her tears, but even then she can still see Roland’s wide, teary eyes staring up at her as if she were some stranger he’d never seen before, his little jaw trembling as he’d mustered enough of a voice to ask her if it were true—if she’d really done the things they said she did, if she’d really been responsible for his mother’s death. She’d barely managed a nod as his face crumbled.  

Seeing him like that broke her heart and knowing that she’d been the cause of his tears was unbearable. Under ordinary circumstances, she’d have knelt down and pulled him into a tight hug and she’d tell him everything would be okay as she dotted quick kisses along his forehead and cheeks until he was giggling and squirming in her arms. But she couldn’t do that now, and she didn’t blame him for not wanting her--not when she’d been the one to hurt him. So, she’d just been left to stand there helplessly as his sweet eyes darkened with anger and hurt as he grappled with his newfound knowledge of her past.

“He’s right,” she whispers as she turns away, running her hands roughly through her hair. It seems selfish now to wonder when her past will stop haunting her and it seems selfish now to seek comfort for the damage it’s caused. “And I’m not the one you should be concerned about right now.”  

Robin sighs and glances toward the stairs. “He just needs some time to…calm down.”

 “He’s not upset because I wouldn’t let him have ice cream before dinner,” she scoffs, her voice more brittle than she’s intended. “He’s upset because I killed his mother. He’s not going to just calm down.”

She watches as Robin takes a breath—she can tell that he’s frustrated and angry, and she can tell that his heart is aching for his son. “Regina,” he begins in a soft yet tentative voice. “This isn’t your fault.”   

At that, she turns, warm tears welling in her eyes as her brow creases. “Isn’t it?” She asks, shaking her head. “I did everything they told him I did. I terrorized people. I took countless lives in horrific ways. I ripped apart families…and I didn’t care about any of it.” She shakes her head. “Actually, that’s not entirely true—I did care. I _delighted_ in it.” She looks away, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment and hate for the person she used to be. “The day Marian was arrested, I mocked her and then I signed her death notice with a smile. It doesn’t matter that I’m not the person who wrapped the noose around her neck; I gave the order to do it and I believed she _deserved_ it. She told me she had a family and I… _I didn’t care_. She told me she had a son, and that meant _nothing to me_.” Her jaw begins to tremble as she struggles against her tears. “ _Roland_ meant nothing to me.” 

Robin exhales slowly—it’s clear that he doesn’t quite know what to say. They’ve talked about this and put it behind them, choosing to look forward rather than look back. But it was never a topic either of them wanted to dwell upon or delve into—and Regina always wondered if they had, Robin would have had to admit things neither of them wanted to hear. “That was…”

 “What?” She asks abruptly, “A long time ago?” She shakes her head. “That doesn’t change it or…”

“That also doesn’t change the fact that from the moment you stepped into Roland’s life you’ve cared deeply for him,” Robin interjects in a firm voice that forces her eyes to meet his. “And yes, it _was_ a long time ago. You’re not the same person you were then—none of us are.” He shrugs, “That’s…something that’s difficult for a seven-year old to understand, but it’s not impossible.”

For a moment, she just looks at him and a sad smile stretches across her lips as she think of Roland. He’s so much like Robin—strong-willed and fiercely loyal, compassionate and thoughtful. But still, everyone has that line that can’t be crossed—and for Roland, it’s always been his mother. She takes a long and shaky breath as she thinks of how long he spends at the flower shop picking out flowers for Marian’s grave whenever they go to visit and how he hangs on each and every word whenever Robin or one of the Merry Men tell him a story about his mother. He frequently asks questions about her life and tells Robin that he misses her, despite barely remembering her.  “Robin,” she begins as she exhales slowly. “No matter how I’ve changed, it doesn’t change what I did. It doesn’t change that I killed his mother…and then… I took her place.”      

“You know that’s not what happened. It’s comp…” 

“Yes, it is. It is what happened,” she cuts in, her voice rising as she remembers the morning Roland had shyly asked if he could call her ‘Mom’ and how he’d worried that by doing so, it’d be a betrayal of Marian. She’d felt so honored, and Robin reminded him that sometimes, children could have two mothers and it was okay to love them both the same. He’d used Henry as an example and Roland had been content with that. “Robin, I killed Marian and then married her husband. I’ve been masquerading for years now as her child’s mother. I have the life she was meant to have.” Her breath catches in her chest, remembering how Roland’s voice had cracked when he’d told her that he hated her. “God, how could I have done that? How could I have done that to him?” 

Again, Robin’s hand touches to her elbow, turning her slowly as he pulls her against his chest. Her tears being to fall as she burrows her face into the crook of his neck. “You’re _not_ masquerading,” Robin whispers. “Regardless of how it happened or why, you _are_ that boy’s mother now.” He presses a kiss into her hair. “Yes, it’s complicated but a few terrible mistakes a lifetime ago don’t erase the years you’ve spent loving him and caring for him.”

“It wasn’t a mistake,” she counters. “I meant to do it.”          

“Yes, then. You meant it _then_.” Robin sighs and she wonders what he’s thinking and how he can possibly be so calm about this. “But I’ve seen the regret you live with—you made mistakes Regina and you’ve spent years now trying to make up for them.” He presses another kiss to her temple and lifts her chin. “At some point, Roland will realize that.” He smiles gently. “He’ll remember that you’re the one who introduced him to ice cream and taught him how to make apple pie; you’re the one who taught him to ride a bike and you’re the one he runs to when he’s skinned his knees---and you are the one he wants when he has a nightmare or when he’s sick. He’s going to remember how much he loves you.” Leaning in he presses on last kiss to her forehead. “He just…needs time to come to terms with everything.”

She nods. “And suppose he doesn’t?”  

“He will,” Robin assures her as runs his hands over her shoulders and down her arms. “I’m going to check on him,” he says, withdrawing slowly. “He’s had a few minutes to calm down, maybe I can…jog his memory.”   

She offers a half-hearted nod, watching as Robin ascends the stairs. Her heart clenches as she sinks down onto the couch, reaching for the stuffed monkey that Roland angrily tossed away—she was lucky not to lose Henry when he learned the truth about her past and she doubts she’ll be that lucky twice.  She doesn’t deserve it.  


End file.
